Understanding the Cycle of Violence

How to Recognize the Stages of Domestic Abuse

Aug 11, 2009 Colleen Boudreau

Many people don't realize that abusive episodes follow a pattern. Being able to identify the characteristics of each phase is the first step towards breaking the cycle.

Contrary to what some people believe, the abuse that occurs in a violent relationship does not happen randomly or at the whim of the abuser. There is a predictable pattern to how violent episodes progress. In order for this cycle to be broken abused partners must first be able to recognize this pattern and the behaviours that accompany each stage.

Tension Building

The first of the 3 phases of the cycle of violence is the tension building phase. Tension builds between the partners over a period of time that can last anywhere from a few hours to several years. It often begins with the abuser trying to intimidate the partner with threatening body language, name calling, put downs and other forms of verbal abuse.

The abused partner should be aware of the following additional signs that are characteristic of this phase.

Attempts by the abuser to control the partner by preventing the partner from having access to friends, family, co-workers or anyone else that the partner could turn to for support.
The abuser may appear jealous and possessive.
As the stage progresses the abuser may outright prevent the partner from leaving the home out of fear that she will never come back or will report him.
The abused partner may find herself expending more time and energy trying to please the abuser to keep him from losing his temper or may even avoid him completely.

Over time this tension progresses to minor assaults which in turn lead to the second stage.

Explosion

The second phase of the cycle — the explosion — is the phase that is most familiar to the public. This is when the minor assaults turn into full blown and severe physical attacks on the abused partner. It is the shortest of all 3 phases and quickly progresses from pushing and shoving to more violent assaults such as punching, kicking or even beating with objects.

During this phase the abuser will be unable to control his rage and will try to justify his behaviour by claiming the partner somehow provoked him or deserves to be beaten. He may try to convince her he doesn't really want to hurt her, that he had no choice and that it was only meant to teach her a lesson.

Immediately following the assault it is common for both partners to hide the abuse. The abused partner has been convinced that she deserved the beating and she will go to great lengths to cover up any physical signs of injury. Those injuries that are not able to be hidden are explained away with stories about accidental falls or clumsiness. At this point phase 3 begins.

The Honeymoon Phase

Following the explosion the abuser tries everything to convince the partner that he has changed, will get help or will never hurt her again. Sometimes he will try to prove this by giving gifts to his partner. Often, but not always, the abuser is genuinely sorry for what he has done once he realizes the damage he has caused or recognizes that she may actually leave him.

During this phase the abused partner is most vulnerable to the abuser's attempts to win her affections. She truly wants to believe his promises, and the abuser's attempts at charming her temporarily serve as a reminder that he really is capable of change. The partner forgives the abuser and the honeymoon phase continues for a while. Eventually the tension begins to build again and the cycle repeats.

Those who are in a violent relationship can benefit from understanding how the cycle of violence works and what behaviours are characteristic of each phase . Loved ones can watch for behaviours that may indicate the presence of an abusive relationship, provide support and try to help the abused partner recognize these signs. Being able to identify the pattern is an important step towards ending the violence.

The copyright of the article Understanding the Cycle of Violence in Abuse is owned by Colleen Boudreau. Permission to republish Understanding the Cycle of Violence in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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